weeeeellllllll

i might have taken a bit of an unplanned break from this here blog. real life has kinda been getting in the way of coherent thoughts. bleh, even now i can't even figure out what to say our how to say it or what is pertinent or anythingg.as;galkd;galks;

ramble blog *celebration hands emoji*

so we got in a car accident. not like a terrible one, but we got rear-ended at a stoplight by a lady who was going about 35 mph and just not paying attention even a little. the back end of our car was totally messed up and all the framework had to be redone so that's been in the shop for the past 2 weeks and we've been in a rental.

around this time my depression came back with a vengeance. i've had depression for years but something about being pregnant and having a baby gave me some super great happy hormones for about a year that kept the depression at bay. but alas, it's back. the soonest i could get in with the doctor i want (switching doctors, and this new one has a killer waitlist, but i hear she's worth it) is the first week of december. so until then i'm just riding the waves as they come.

along with this depression has come a huge wave of apathy, which is always great when school is a thing. it's been incredibly hard to motivate myself to do anything, and then when i don't do anything i get crazy anxiety and shut down. it's a lovely cycle. but i'm working at it and just trying to take it one day at a time and do what i can. i dunno. it's frustrating, especially when the past year or so has been so so good. i was kinda hoping i was over that whole depression thing, ya know?

anyway, so onto the happier stuff:
we drove to california and back for fall break and filmed a sweet cover of HAIM with our friend hannah (guys if you don't love HAIM i just don't understand you)

ANDREW GOT A PROMOTION and we're really excited about it. it's gonna make for a lot less stress for this little family of ours.

milo is a crawler and a climber and a talker and just the cutest little guy on the planet really.

we're leaving for philadelphia on sunday to spend a week with my parents! we haven't seen them since milo's blessing way back in may so i'm just a little bit excited to eat yummy food and watch them indulge in the perfection that is milo benny.

THE END IS IN SIGHT. with school, i mean. not life cause that might be a bit depressing, guys. but andrew and i have both planned out our last few semesters! andrew will be done august 2015 and i'll be done in december. THAT'S LIKE. SOON. AH. it feels so good to finally see it coming to an end. most days i can't wait until i'm graduated and can get on with "real life" and whatever, but some days i remember that real life is stressful and jobs and houses and moving somewhere???? i know i'm going to miss this stage of our lives, living in this amazing house, close to relatives, and nothing to worry about but homework and a cute baby. but also the prospect of going anywhere and doing anything is just SO exciting and scary and yes a little stressful. THE FUTURE, MAN. THE FUTURE.

CHRISTMAS ALBUMMMMM. if you don't already know that andrew and i have a band called whisper sands, and that we put out a christmas ep every year for our family then WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE??? anyway, our album this year is called "Hark!" and i'm really really excited about it. seven delicious christmas songs in all their indie folky pop rock (???) and yeah. you want it. we haven't officially set a release date, but basically right after thanksgiving. so BE ON THE LOOKOUT I'M SO EXCITED.

okay, that's enough of my rambly weirdness for now. HOPE THANKSGIVING IS LOVELY FOR YOU.

22/52

"A portrait of Milo once a week, every week, for his first year"

"he looks like some kind of adorable wizard newsie" -andrew

to see other 52 project entries, click here

we cute, too

sometimes we make videos on our whispersands channel and you should check us out and subscribe if that's what you're into.

WEDDING MASTERPOST

Remember that one time two years ago I started this blog and decided to start talking about my wedding in a series of posts and then I totally gave up and never finished and now I have an unfinished and unsatisfactory documentation of all things wedding? Yeah well because I'm overly ambitious that is changing today. Buckle up, friends. It's going to be a long one.

April 28th 2012, as I remember it:

-Woke up at approximately 5 am after very minimal sleeping. Who sleeps the night before their wedding??? Andrew. That's who. Apparently he slept like a baby.
-Did my hair/makeup and grabbed anything and everything I thought I might need that day and prayed I didn't forget anything.
-Attempted to eat. Attempt was unsuccessful.
-7 am rolls around and myself and my familia load into the car and off we go.
-Realize I left the slideshow DVD thing at the house that I was supposed to play at the luncheon. Whoops.
-Roll up to the temple just as Andrew and his brother arrive and attempt to talk but am too nervous to say much. (did I mention I was seriously freaking out?)
-Check in at the temple and all that lovely stuff. I decided to get sealed in my wedding dress, so I put that on and answered the nice old temple ladies questions and gripped Andrew's hand about as hard as I could. At some point people started arriving and Andrew and I were escorted to the celestial room to wait.
-I don't know what you're supposed to talk about in the celestial room with your soon to be husband but we probably missed the mark. I always imagined it would be super romantic and gushy but mostly I was trying not to throw up and I think we were both just kind of incredulous that this was happening. I mean, we had been talking about this for 2 years and it was some far away dream and then it was here and I was overwhelmed with the fact that I was 18 and making arguably the hugest decision of my life. I was confident in my decision, but I suppose just the finality of everything really hit me and I was shaking all over.
-Temple lady came in and told us it was time and I clutched Andrew's hand as hard as I could and we walked into a room of about 50 of my favorite people in the world.
-I do not remember a SINGLE thing about the sealing. It makes me really sad, honestly. I just remember sitting there and looking at everyone smiling and staring back at me. I do not do well with being the center of attention and I had never attended a sealing before and I wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen and what to say and when to say it. Long story short, I don't remember any of it. I do remember every single person in that room crying. Except me. I don't really cry. But it was lovely all the same.
-And then the sealing was over and it was like a big breath of fresh air and suddenly I felt SO good and happy and not nervous and ready to take on the rest of the day. (It was only 11 am ha) It was great.
-We exited the temple to cheers and general applause and we had to kiss in front of like... church leaders and grandparents and bleh. Weird. (Why am I so weird about PDA? We just don't know)

-Pictures pictures pictures lots of pictures. Kudos to my photographer for being AMAZING. She captured our day perfectly and just how I imagined.

-Guests slowly trickled off and headed over to this sweet Italian place a couple blocks away for our luncheon. Andrew and I stuck around a bit to take a few pics around the temple grounds.

-Did I mention my mom made my wedding dress? Because she did and it was perfect.

-Went to the luncheon and ate delicious food and our families performed and I tried really really hard not to spill pasta all over my dress (success!)

-Drove the hour back to my family's house and the whole way kept saying to each other 'Wait. We are married? WE ARE MARRIED?" and I think we listened to Fleet Foxes and at one point we stopped at a Wendy's to go to the bathroom.

-Got to my house where everyone was in full prep mode for the reception. I was instructed to chill out and relax. That was nice. I tried to take a nap on the couch but instead decided to update my name and marital status on Facebook and after that I was too tired to sleep.

RECEPTION TIME

-Stood in a line forever and talked to all my frands and got presents and whatever. Attempted to eat some of the delicious food we had, but my efforts were thwarted by the mass amounts of people that wanted to talk to me. :(

-First dance with my favorite brand new husband. We danced to 'Our Love Is Here To Stay', the Ella version because she is glorious. We didn't take our dance very seriously. We were pretty much just being goofy and making each other laugh the whole time and also talking about how today was the most perfect day and how was the weather so perfect?? 

-And then I danced with my dad and Andrew danced with his mom. We danced to Daughters by John Mayer, due to a severe lack of creativity on my behalf. 

-And then a serious dance party occurred, during which I stopped caring my hair. Clearly..

At some point during all this we slowed things down, brought out the piano and guitar and performed in true Andrew and Catherine fashion. We sang "Darling, I Do" which was a song Andrew first heard way back in 2010. He texted me and told me to look it up and then said "We are going to sing this someday." And we did. And it easily my favorite part of the whole day.

-I supposed at some point we cut the cake and all that. But I truly do not remember when that was... haha oops. (Shoutout to my sister in law for the greatest cake ever. Those are indeed hippo cake toppers.) -I didn't want to do a bouquet toss or the garter thing or any of that because I think it's lame. I did give my sister my bouquet at the end of the night and she burst into tears and said some really sweet things that made me cry, which made me upset because I hadn't cried ALL DAY and she just ruined that.

-More dancing occurred until finally we decided enough was enough and we peaced out of that joint.

-... and then we came back 20 minutes later after hanging out in the car at a park. We had to open all our presents that night because the next day we left for our honeymoon and then we went straight home to Utah. So we opened all our presents with our family and finally left for our hotel at like, 11 pm that night. And the whole way there we talked about how perfect the day was and how we still couldn't believe we were married and everything was just so happy. 

-And then it took us like 20 minutes of wandering around a giant antique hotel to find our room because there was construction going on and a detour and??? It was amusing, to say the least.

And I suppose we will leave it at that.

to the father of my child(ren)

"[My father] didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. - Clarence B. Kelland

I met you as a stranger nearly five years ago and since then have watched you bloom from stranger to friend to boyfriend to fiancé to husband and finally to father.

Everything about you is special to me. I have always known you to be a wonderful confidant, a hard worker, a sports enthusiast, a brilliant musician, a wordsmith, and a person who makes me laugh. It is a pleasure to stand by your side and be introduced as your wife. It is with great pride that I talk about you and all you have done for my family, for yours, for me, and for yourself. It is with great satisfaction that after singing the entirety of Bohemian Rhapsody in a Borat voice at karaoke, you come over and kiss me. Not all those other cute Utah girls who always say the right things and actually wear pants- but me. It is with humble gratitude that after a long day of work and school that you still come home and offer to help me with the things I need. 

Three months ago you encouraged me and cheered me on as I brought our tiny baby into this world. He arrived blue and squishy and gasping for breath and suddenly we were three. Before his birth I constantly worried that our relationship would never be the same; that we would be too tired to eat donuts and watch Jimmy Fallon every night; that we would be too preoccupied with screaming and crying to record music and videos. My time with you was precious to me above all else and I was worried we would never know those sweet moments again. But as our tiny baby took his first breath and roared his little Simba roar, I saw your eyes light up and a smile spread across your face that I will never forget. And I knew that even though we were three, we were still you and me. 

I have watched you grow from stranger to father in five very short years, and while I have loved every aspect of my life with you, my greatest joy is seeing you become daddy. You've figured out how to bounce Milo just the right way to calm him down in an instant. You can get him to burp in a matter of minutes after I have spent seemingly hours patting his back trying to do the same. And don't think I can't hear you humming the Jurassic Park theme to him as you rock him to sleep every night. He will never know the sacrifices you have made and continue to make to be his father yet he will love you and model his life after everything you do. He will look up to you, just as I do, and I can't imagine a better person to look up to. 

Much love,

Catherine Carol 

Mixtape 01

Andrew and I are kind of music snobs. We listen to a loooot of music pretty much 24/7. So I thought it might be nice to start making little "mixtapes" as it were, compiled of what we've been listening to recently.

Our anniversary is in about two weeks, so I thought it'd be nice for this first mixtape to be a compilation of some of "our songs" or whatever. Ya know, the sappy love songs that make us think of each other and stuff. Awwww.

Love Is Here To Stay - Ella Fitzgerald (our first dance)

Darling I Do - Landon Pigg and Lucy Schwartz

The Luckiest - Ben Folds

The Weight -Thrice

I Will Posses Your Heart -Death Cab for Cutie

We Will Not Grow Old - Lenka

Lullaby - Julia Nunes

Samson - Regina Spektor

(I realize that's a sad song, but it's just really 

important to us for a few different reasons)

The Dress Looks Nice On You- Sufjan Stevens

To Be Alone With You - Sufjan Stevens

Walking After You - Foo Fighters

Don't Ever - Missy Higgins

Beautiful Beat - Nada Surf